Endless loop
by Sagrada Familia
Summary: AU: You can't be perfect according to life; to balance out greatness you have to have a major defect. / Cristina is probably about to be the best figure skater in modern times, so, rightfully, her personal life is going downhill.
1. Time to start your day

AU: You can't be perfect according to life; to balance out greatness you have to have a major defect. / Cristina is probably about to be the best figure skater in modern times, so, rightfully, her personal life is going downhill.

* * *

They won again.

Preston Burke and Cristina Yang were a force to be reckoned with.

4 years ago, after their first gold win in the Olympics, they asked him what was the secret of their success.

" _I am Preston Burke_ ," He began his speech. He has the right to be arrogant, nothing compares to him. "I am winner by nature, I've come here with sweat and hard work. But what separates us from other couples is our chemistry, which is why-" He got down on one knee and pulled out a box, Cristina would have fled if it was someone else but... she was _in love_. " _Cristina Yang, will you marry me?_ "

The cameras flashed as she put on the ring; the next days they were object of multiple clickbait articles around the universe of Facebook homepages.

They _were_ a force to be reckoned with.

Meredith watched on the side as another fight burst, they pretend this is about the skating not them; they didn't talk anymore, they didn't reconcile, they just stuck together.

She will never be what he wants, the only fantasy of him she fulfills is the one where she is on ice.

"I know you have the papers," She says one night after they dinner in silence. She knows him too well. She gets a pen out of her pocket. "I'll sign them."

He doesn't try to deny it, he just stares at her. "Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent."

He goes to their bedroom and comes back with a file. She doesn't look back when she brands their ending. This is the right thing.

* * *

"Speaking as your coach, not your friend," Meredith states," It's going to be hard, you two were practically a sporting brand; but you are great, I know it, so I have no doubt you will make it to the top. It's your turn to fly solo."

Cristina nods as she ties her skates.

"But as your friend..." She pauses and hugs her. "He sucks and you deserve better."

She snorts and pats Mer's back. "I know."

"I know you know," She squeezes her tighter. "George quit, he's with Burke now, so I need a new assistant."

"We'll find one," She assures her. "Now, teach me what you've got." She grabs Meredith's hand and together they skate into the rink.

* * *

This is her first solo win and people only care about the past. Meredith has to step up and get her away from the reporters.

She should be happy but instead she is crying in Meredith's car holding a bouquet of roses that will surely wither in a few days.

"How did you do it?" She asks her.

"I didn't, I avoided questions and sadly took advantage of my mother's illness before everything hit rock bottom." Meredith sighed. "You just have to pull trough." Meredith grabbed Burke's congratulatory roses and threw them out the window.

Meredith was a prodigy, _is_ a prodigy. Daughter of Ellis Grey; greatest figure skater to live, it's only natural her daughter is great.

She also got the _dark and twisty_ gen passed onto her, because you can't be perfect according to life; to balance out greatness you have to have a major defect; in Ellis's case was being an awful mother, in Meredith's case it was never making the right decision.

Which is why with only 28 years she is stuck coaching Cristina instead of joining the podium with her.

After adding another problem into her daddy issues list, Meredith had the incredible idea of drinking herself into stupidity and had a short-lived affair with one of the judges of the Olympics that only lasted one night; the scandal blew up and before she could get banned by the International Skating Union she decided to step down to take care of her Mother as she had gotten diagnosed with Alzheimer.

What a life.

* * *

Cristina stared down at her plate, then looked at Alex's, she pointed at it and exclaimed, "This doesn't make sense."

"Well, it does make sense to you, because it's what you need," Alex pointed out.

"I thought you were nutritionist, I doubt that you need eggs with extra bacon." She stabbed her veggie omelet with her fork.

"Yeah, but I'm not doing the same diet as you."

"So, you call that a diet?"

"Yes," He exclaimed begrudgingly, "and I doubt you want to hear about it."

"You're right, I don't."

Suddenly she saw a blond make her way from the bathroom to Alex's bedroom.

She frowned. "What is she doing here again?"

He shrugged.

Cristina stared at him.

"Okay, alright! She just got laid off her job and now she can't afford rent."

"So, you're playing charity with Barbie over there? Do you even like her?!"

Alex stayed silent. Cristina opened her mouth slowly. "Oh, you do."

"Yeah, well, it's whatever." Alex stood up from the table. "Just keep your mouth shut or I'll make you run twenty instead of ten."

* * *

"Hey did you hear?!" Cristina shouted at Meredith. "Evil Spawn is in lo-"

Alex frowned as he blew his whistle loudly. "Drop and give me 20."

Cristina rolled her eyes and got on the floor.

"Is my hearing alright?" Meredith asked mockingly as he approached him.

"She's just being annoying," Alex assured.

Cristina stuck her tongue out. "No, I'm not, she's with blondie."

"Her name is Izzie, okay? And we're not together."

"Yet," Meredith says with a cheeky smile.

"Do you want to join Cristina on the floor too?" Alex warned.

"Hey, you're Cristina's trainer, not mine."

"And nutritionist, and roommate, " Alex added. "She just can't get enough of me." He winked at Cristina and she made a noise of disgust.

* * *

"You're not entering this house without any information," Meredith warns him. " _Traitor._ "

"So, you invited me over just to bully me? I even bought a gift."

Meredith sighs. "I try hard to hate you but I can't." She opens the door fully and hugs him.

"Burke's not coming, by the way," George informs her quietly.

"Thank god," She whispers back.

George went over to Alex and Cristina and gave them his housewarming gift.

"You may be a traitor," Alex said, Cristina nodded, "but you're a great gift giver."

Thank god for Tequila, greatest gift of the century.

"Do you want a shot?" George offers Meredith.

"No thanks, I'm driving." She waves her keys in the air.

"You? Refusing booze? That's a new one."

"Well, I have to be the one take care of Cristina, not the other way around."

George focused his view on Cristina and Alex who were having a drinking competition. His eyes widened when she realized who the blonde girl was next to Alex. "Izzie?!"

She turned her head to the sound of the voice. "George?!" She exclaimed happily. "What are you doing here?!"

"What are _you_ doing here?!" He squints while putting the puzzle pieces together. "Wait a second... This is the Alex you're seeing?"

Izzie nods with a big smile

"Oh god." George suddenly gets filled with worry for her best friend.

* * *

It's been four hour and Meredith hasn't appeared.

Cristina skates in circles for what seems an eternity. She knows she can't be alone for much longer or she'll begin overthinking, she thinks this is one of the reasons she moved in with Karev even though she had everything to live alone.

So, she skates, and skates, otherwise she'll go crazy.

Her phone rings and she has never reached it so fast before.

She reaches the brink of insanity.

* * *

A/N: Yes, Meredith is extra dark and twisty in this; yes, she is older than Cristina; and yes, Cristina was 20 when she got married, (now 24). Don't question me but an athlete's life moves faster since they have to retire so soon, at least that's my point of view. (Ok, maybe I'm just reaching).

Also, I don't really know what I'm doing, don't expect this to be great or to be updated regularly, it might be 3 chapters long or 30 chapters long, who knows? I know I don't.


	2. Things will never be the same

Meredith had two options, dying or dying.

"She got in a car accident," The voice spoke through her phone, "she's here at Seattle Grace..."

Cristina hangs up.

* * *

The doctor told Cristina what happened, the drunk driver, the head injury, the leg...

She wanted to slap him and tell him to do better, but it wouldn't do any good.

* * *

Meredith woke up, she stared a Cristina, her eyes were puffy, then moved her gaze to the doctor.

"Miss Grey, I'm doctor Shepherd," he begun explaining.

Meredith couldn't listen to him, she got stuck at the part where he said, " _We had to cut your leg..._ "

We had to cut your leg.

 _We had to cut your leg._

No leg.

"I'll leave you two alone." The doctor left the room.

Meredith stared at Cristina who didn't say a thing. She reached down to see if it were true, she couldn't not have a leg. She tried to touch, squeeze, feel what wasn't there. There was nothing there.

"What happened?" She asked her. She broke out in sobs. "What happened?!"

Cristina held her as she sobbed, trying not to cry with her. She had to be strong for her.

Meredith had two options, keep the leg and die of infection; or, cut the leg, and die as she bid farewell to the only thing that made her feel alive.

She began digging her grave.

* * *

"Look, I'm really sorry for you friend and I know you want the best for her, but I will have to change her neuro attending if she keeps refusing to do the check-ups," The doctor said in annoyance.

"I get it and I'm sorry!" Cristina apologizes sincerely. "But she's not in a good place right now, you just have to be patient."

"She could have died," He states. "You know that, right? So, I just need you to make her see that and she'll leave here sooner."

Cristina opened her mouth in disgust. "Did you just hear what you said?! I won't make her do anything she doesn't want to! So, yeah, maybe, you need to change her attending."

She went back to the room and Derek sighed.

* * *

After a week of trying, Meredith finally gave up and let him do the check-ups.

While checking her pupils, she asked, "You're a surgeon, right? And one of the greatest's, right?"

Derek ignored her. "Your eyesight is good."

"What would you do if you lost your hand?" She insists.

He stares at her. "It's more complicated than that."

"Then, you will know why I can't see it clearly," she says bitterly.

That night, he watches the sport channel.

 _What could the future give Meredith Grey in the world of figure skating?_

It's more complicated than that, they both know.

* * *

At the hospital, Cristina sits in the corner of Meredith's room. She always liked the smell of hospitals, a weird secret that isn't important enough to share with others; however, under the circumstances she's beginning to question her likings.

She flips quickly through the newspaper, the one that read a headline celebrating Meredith's legacy, they made it seem like she died. She's fumbling with the corners of the pages before Meredith asks the dreaded question,

"Have you practiced?"

She takes a small glimpse of Mer; she hasn't moved from her bed, she isn't allowed. This is her second surgery this week, the second time they cut open her skull and close it back up. She questions what could be so fun about surgery; cutting, closing, stitching, it seems sadistic to her. But then again... she wonders why she gets all the joy from twirling on ice.

She ignores her.

"Cristina," Meredith says, with that voice of her, the one that shows concern. She shouldn't be concerned for anyone but herself.

"Clearly, I haven't." She closes the newspaper and tosses it on the trash. "Don't worry about it."

"I can take it, ok?" Meredith exclaims, trying to prove herself that skating wasn't her only reason for living.

"Barely," she concludes softly, so much it sounds like a whisper, and hopes it keeps her shut.

* * *

"Looks like we won't have to cut your other leg," Dr. Shepherd said with congratulatory smile, that seemed to be more directed at himself. The damage was already done. "I was able to repair the nerves before they completely gave out, allowing you to have full mobile function of your left leg."

Meredith kept herself from rolling her eyes. "Okay."

* * *

The women that cut off her leg came to change her bandages, Dr. Torres, that's her name. She's doing a nurse's job.

"I'm really sorry for what happened," she says and she means it. "Most people don't get it because they don't get to play out their passion, but I do."

Meredith's tries to open her mouth to say something.

She interrupts her as she finishes swapping her bandages, "You don't have to say anything, really. Or, if you want to yell, I can take it."

 _I can take it._

It's not her fault.

"It's not your fault."

 _I came in, I was a ticket to your passion_ ; she couldn't blame her for being the severed leg that got her trough this day, the severed leg that made her day a little less shitty, Meredith got an odd satisfaction when watching the tears flow backstage from all the other competitors that lost to her.

This time she didn't even make it to Bronze.

* * *

Meredith Grey.

He wakes up and he stops seeing her twirling in her dreams.

And if it's not that, he just sees himself, no medicine, no brains, no hand. He forces himself to wake up, cold sweat running down his body.

4 AM on his only free night of the week. He goes to the hospital and wakes her up.

"Hey, you can go home, I'll look after her."

Cristina Yang, of course he knows her name now, has trouble adjusting her sight to the light. She rubs her eyes slightly and there's confusion on her face, however she doesn't object, it can't be comfortable sleeping on a small chair for six days in a row.

He sits.

* * *

"Shepherd, it's 5 in the morning you better be calling me for something important," Callie said barely.

Trough the phone she could only hear his heavy breathing. Did he drunk dial her? If so, he got Addison's number wrong.

"Dr. Shepherd?" She repeated.

"She's a prodigy, you know?" He said in a low voice.

She arched her brow slowly. "Who? Addi-"

Luckily, he interrupted her before she could finish. "Meredith Grey."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I know, at least, the whole nation knows now."

"We need to help her."

Callie breathed.

"She's us you know, maybe not the same, but we share her essence; and with her friend... Yang, we do too."

"I know."

"Can you?"

"I can try." She never promises. "You're not drunk, are you?"

He laughs trough the phone and it is kind of comforting. "I wish."

* * *

A/N: Meredith's life sucking is a recurring theme in all the universes she's in. I love her.


End file.
